Accountability vs. Blame
Let’s go back to elementary school so we can understand the distinction between these two, shall we? “Blaming is an action of attributing fault or assigning responsibility to an individual or group. In contrast, accountability involves acknowledging our role in situations and taking ownership of our decisions.”
Great, now that we have that out of the way…I get asked a lot if I blame Chris’s wife for his death. The answer is no. No, I do not blame her for his actions. Chris was a grown man who made a decision to take his own life. I love my brother but lord he could be a dumbass and do stupid shit sometimes. I mean, we all do I guess but I had to ‘bless his heart’ more times than I care to remember. And that is not his wife’s fault, he is responsible for his own actions. My brother clearly took his own life, there is no question about that.
Has she taken accountability for her actions or inactions that lead to my brother’s death? No, no she sure has not.
Here is what I know to be true: I spoke to her within 2 hours of his death and she lied about where he was, my sister was speaker to her, most likely while he took his life and she had either evaded answering questions or lied about where Chris was and what he was doing. Was she drunk or on drugs? Hard to say and I cannot speculate but I can say I’ve seen the videos of the calls and while she does not appear to be 100% sober. However, her pupils did not appear dilated and she was speaking coherent. Was she having a mental health episode? I do not know, I have no personal experience with that. I can say she was answering questions fine that did not pertain to my brother or their location. So I cannot answer any of those questions with any confidence.
I can say that the nurse said she could have been released within 24 hours of my brothers death if we would have picked her up and the detective told me no drugs, paraphernalia or alcohol was found in the truck. Does that mean much, I don’t know. But if you have enough mental capacity to get rid of the remnants and those activities I would think you could say where you are are, what the street signs are that are literally right next to your truck or at the very least you could say “your brother is in a bad place and really needs help”.
So while I was on the phone with police who were searching in and around the beaches, my sister was FaceTiming my sister in law pleading to let us know where they were. I know December and I were doing everything we could to find my brother and save his life. I do not question our actions that night, I am confident that given the information we had we did everything in our power to find Chris. His wife on the other hand was sitting in their truck with their two dogs, watched him walk away with a rope and continued to lie to me and my sister. Out of the three adults who are still alive, two of them were desperately trying to save a life.
So again, do I blame my brother’s wife for him killing himself? No, I blame her for not saving his life.
When I think about her not taking any accountability for her role for his death I feel like a hand is reaching inside of my chest and squeezing around my heart. My heart literally hurts when I think how different that night could have ended if she just would have said something, anything.
The only thing she has ever said to me regarding my brother’s death is “I never wanted any of this to happen” which means absolutely nothing coming from the only person who let him die.
Disclaimer: I am NOT a mental health expert. I have done extensive research and fully understand and appreciate the struggles that people with mental health issues face. I would like to point out that most of the research that I have found states: “People experiencing a mental breakdown, usually can't function normally. This period of extreme mental or emotional stress can make it difficult or impossible to perform daily activities.” I am basing my OPINIONS on my personal conversation as well as video of my sister in law on May 29.